There is a delightful series of books called 'Rumpole of the Bailey' written by a British barrister and author called John Mortimer, which I believe was also made into a TV series on BBC. Rumpole is an elderly barrister who doesn't dress very well but who hides a razor sharp brain behind this dishevelment. He specialises in defending underdogs especially petty villains at the Old Bailey and is shown as a happily married man but one who is a bit scared of his wife, Hilda. He generally refers to her within himself as 'She-who-must-be-obeyed'. This definitely is not the first series of books or shows where this trope of a domineering woman is used.
Whether this trope of over-strong women holds in reality or not, a delicious irony in this context happened in my life a decade ago when on being transferred to a new office, I discovered I would be reporting to a lady called Hilda! Reports from people who worked there were not too encouraging either as this lady was made out to be a bit of a tyrant. Fortunately, my real-time experience was quite different and I found that Hilda and I actually had a few things in common - not the least of which was our mutual love for order, system and discipline. Especially when we had one-to-one meetings, the fact that we could speak Tamil to each other helped too and we ended having quite a good, smooth working relationship.
The cliched portrayal of a man-woman relationship in the binary of dominance by either finds its way into Tamil idiom also. Quite often, people in Tamil Nadu ask a married man ' onga veetile Chidambaram aa Madurai aa?', which can be loosely translated as 'Who presides in your house - Chidambaram or Madurai?' The reference is to two famous Saivite temples in Tamil Nadu, one at Chidambaram, a town about 300 km away from Chennai and the other at Madurai, which is about 500 km from Chennai. Once, gentle reader, I tell you that the presiding deity at Chidmabaram is Siva and at Madurai it is Meenakshi, the reference becomes clear. It is just a clever, metaphorical way to find out who is the boss of the house - the man or the woman.
One of my old uncles probably had the best comment on this relationship between husband and wife. He declared that every man is a Po Ra ( an abbreviation for the Tamil phrase 'pondatti Raman', a slightly derisory term for a henpecked man ) - it is just that the degree varies. This, to my mind, also shows that the black and white depiction of either gender dominating the other doesn't hold generally. Life is a continuum of different shades of grey and roles and responsibilities keep varying.
As long as this depiction of gender dominance stays as a joke, it is fine within limits, but the moment this becomes a standard theme across media, it starts to grate. I, for one, have never managed to understand why people have to share stories or jokes perpetuating cliches of a strong woman getting her comeuppance or of a weak, meek, woman pandering to the whims of her strong, all-knowing alpha male. It is bad enough that men share this genre of misogyny and sexism, it is terrible when women join in.
Ah well, as one gets older and especially when one becomes a senior citizen, one realises that one starts understanding less of why more things happen in a particular way. Why many people circulate this type of jokes making fun of women is perhaps just one more on this list!
Whether this trope of over-strong women holds in reality or not, a delicious irony in this context happened in my life a decade ago when on being transferred to a new office, I discovered I would be reporting to a lady called Hilda! Reports from people who worked there were not too encouraging either as this lady was made out to be a bit of a tyrant. Fortunately, my real-time experience was quite different and I found that Hilda and I actually had a few things in common - not the least of which was our mutual love for order, system and discipline. Especially when we had one-to-one meetings, the fact that we could speak Tamil to each other helped too and we ended having quite a good, smooth working relationship.
The cliched portrayal of a man-woman relationship in the binary of dominance by either finds its way into Tamil idiom also. Quite often, people in Tamil Nadu ask a married man ' onga veetile Chidambaram aa Madurai aa?', which can be loosely translated as 'Who presides in your house - Chidambaram or Madurai?' The reference is to two famous Saivite temples in Tamil Nadu, one at Chidambaram, a town about 300 km away from Chennai and the other at Madurai, which is about 500 km from Chennai. Once, gentle reader, I tell you that the presiding deity at Chidmabaram is Siva and at Madurai it is Meenakshi, the reference becomes clear. It is just a clever, metaphorical way to find out who is the boss of the house - the man or the woman.
One of my old uncles probably had the best comment on this relationship between husband and wife. He declared that every man is a Po Ra ( an abbreviation for the Tamil phrase 'pondatti Raman', a slightly derisory term for a henpecked man ) - it is just that the degree varies. This, to my mind, also shows that the black and white depiction of either gender dominating the other doesn't hold generally. Life is a continuum of different shades of grey and roles and responsibilities keep varying.
As long as this depiction of gender dominance stays as a joke, it is fine within limits, but the moment this becomes a standard theme across media, it starts to grate. I, for one, have never managed to understand why people have to share stories or jokes perpetuating cliches of a strong woman getting her comeuppance or of a weak, meek, woman pandering to the whims of her strong, all-knowing alpha male. It is bad enough that men share this genre of misogyny and sexism, it is terrible when women join in.
Ah well, as one gets older and especially when one becomes a senior citizen, one realises that one starts understanding less of why more things happen in a particular way. Why many people circulate this type of jokes making fun of women is perhaps just one more on this list!
Nice article.I liked the part on perpetuating the wholly ridiculous stereotype.If on our part we react strongly to such jokes in the groups we are in it will go a long way in reducing the instances of such comments
ReplyDeleteVery enjoyable read but weighty too. I particularly liked your observation that roles keep varying and one should not try to put characters in pigeonholes. When I do come across such derisory jokes or comments I just ignore them for I think indifference is the best insult. Even if I do laugh at any of thise, which is quite rare, it is not as much for the implication as it is for the humour.
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